when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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