The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
