If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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