Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
