my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
