Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
we're making bets on your personal life
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
