So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
