go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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