Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
