i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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