I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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