bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
