hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
