Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
