I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
