Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I would fuck him just for his dog
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
