she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
