Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
