This is not my ceiling
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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