i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
