Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
