I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
