well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I party with great urgency now.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
