i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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