dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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