I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
