the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
