I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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