dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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