I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
