it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
