just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
