My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
