why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
