Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
