And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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