end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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