Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
