Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
