we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
