I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
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