Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
