The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
