My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
