Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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