Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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