idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
