her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
