Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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