Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
