Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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